Hey all you party peoples across the land. THe ladies always be asking me "Coach Steve how come you don't write no more?"
and then i say "Give me a chance to do a-WRITING FOOL!"...wait wait wait...thats not how the song goes.

At anyrate, its odd, its different. and I am doing it. After nearly a 3 months absence Steve is adding something fresh and new (that isn't depressing) to is BLOGDRIVE!.

So I figure I'd start off this entire entry, now that I am actually writing it, by saying sorry to all the peoples out there that have drifted away over the last year. and that the Steve you knew and loved has return to he upriht and sarcastic position. I am feeling much better today...I spent a long time sitting out side on my porch putting numerous holes into tin cans with the aid of a couple of BB guns. I like guns...they give you that feeling like your cock wish 12 inches long. at anyrate, I shot off 1000 BB's today and in the process only scared 2 birds and made a squirrel fall off the fence. I got a lot of frustration out. It was good times had by me.

Other then that this week has been a mixed bag, I mean my audition day on wednesday was possibly the highlight of the last month, whereas yesterday was a definate low point of the last few. not as painful as somedays, but still nt my happiest moment.

I guess I should write something about how my audition day actually went for those of you that weren't there. Well it went a little something like-a a dis-a.

I woke up at 5 am...started the day by polishing my boots. Brought them to a nice high glossy shine. It makes me feel good when my boots look like a million bucks. I then went on to detail my horn, giving it a throughout washing with windex and q-tips making sure that it looked like all th emoney I spent on it. Other then that I proceeded on to other matters, such as putting on pants, making myself look like a huan instead of a kid that had had and hour and a half of sleep. Then i went on to other things. I gathered music and such, and i also grabbed the 20 bucks sitting on my desk. I got my parents to get me to the university and from there on in I was in performance mode. I sat in my practice room doing the longest warmu seesion I think any woodwind player has ever done. I spent 12 minutes on mouthpiece exercises alone. I got it so i could do all of the A major scale on my mouthpiece, which is something i needed for the vibrato in my piece. I then spent almost 25 minutes running scales like mad. I finally have all of my major and minor scales to sixteenths at 125. So i am finally "good" as far as Dr. Brown and I are conserned. I also did all of my teal studies once, which are quite possibly the most stupid to count studies in teh word. At anyrate I then got together with my pianist Haram Park, who by the way is the awesomest person for helping me with my audition. I can't thank her enough. And for those of you that haven't paid her for things like YOUR JURIES shame on you.
At anyrate I finished playing through the entire piece with her at least twice before we decided to head upstairs. I did a relatively good job of playing my piece. It was an average run through. There was a little tear, easily fixed by me and haram. So no biggy I hope. Other then that I spent a lot fo time talking to Dr. Brown, Dr. Hopkins and Mark (the guys that took my audition) they had some very positive things to say, and some not so positive things. I took it all with good humor. after that I took some time to thank haram for helping me out, then i went to find brina, she dd really well in her audition. It sounded great so i was happy for her. Other then that brina and I spent a lot of time waiting to get back into the percussion studio, and when we finally did Darr was with us so we decided to hang out for the day until it was time for band. And we did and it was good. We had fun, we went to almost everyones house (except brina as she lives in Olds) and got sutff for band, and we packed up and went to Envy....I don't even think that movies was worth the free. But we still had fun at the movie. At least I did. We also went to marble slab and i got free Ice Cream...thank you andron....other then we went to band. and I realized how un fun woodwinds are compared to brass...I mean as woodwinds we would never have made teh "circle of judgement" we would have wandered off into our little groups...I don't like that. Other then that brina drove me home...it was a really good day. Brina phoned me when she got back to olds like I asked her to, I fell asleep just before the phone call came, and woke up when it beeped to tell me I had voice mail.

Other then that there isn't much to say about this week. I mean it was a mixed bag lie I said. I really enjoyed practicing and I can't wait for global morning show whenever I end up doing it. And the performance tomorrow will be fun...I hate my frosh belt, and for those of you that told me to suck it up...its not like 4 of you marched pasedena....there are only 4 of us playing...and only 1 of us doesn't have a belt from the same year....that would be me...so yeah you can tell me to suck it up, but in the end I will have a way awesomer buckle then either of you...even if i don't get my gold one.

Well the moral of the story is, you can't make it through a steve blog without just a little bitching.

Remember happiness....wait I hate that saying time for a new one...

Remember Wagner's music is better then it sounds...no I can't steal from bill nye the science guy

Remember, when your pants are on fire, be thankful you aren't made of gasoline.

thats a good one

Night all.

It is seldom that relationships end on good turns.
For relationships on good terms seldom end.




I will never pretend that the end was good.
Or that there weren't problems that will never be solved...
I still cry for you my love, for your love is the only I have ever known.
I bury your memory deep within me,
For now there are none who share it.

I will not see your face in my dreams,
Nor will I hear your voice in my head.
I am now a free man,
A man free from love is no man at all.

Dawn breaks,
In time pains of old will remain only as scars.
I will look to the clouds and think only of you.
My love.

Well, I am sure that by now everyone has stopped looking at my blog to find new entires...so now is the perfect time to go back into public mode.

So really the last little while has been both the best and worst times in my life. Everytime I am around dani I feel more and more like she is the only one meant for me. I hope that i am meant for her. I just have so many doubts. I hate second guessing ymself. i mean I've had this damn ring for months now...I just don't have the guts i guess. It bugs me that I don't. It bugs me that I can't just make a decision about all of this. I think it would bring us together, I really do. Not that you can get more together then we are really.

Other then that my life gets worse. I seriously think that I am gonna have to move out the day stampede week is over. I am tired of living here, waking up in the morning to the bitch sessions about things like not spending enough time on my family. Or woking on jobs around the house...its stupid! I am not the one that spends ever day and night here, actually giving the choice I go out and do something..anything. I'd go and play in traffic just to get myself away from this place sometimes....

The whole alone in a room full on people thing sucks. You know how many people I've tried to tell my feelings to thta just shut me down...its stupid I can't deal with the whole loneliness thing. I think thats part of why I can't give her the ring. I feel like if I give it to her it'll turn into this...I know thats not rational but its ho my mind works. From the time I was born these people that abuse and neglect me have told me thats what love is...that they love me. I mean wtf..honestly WHAT THE FUCK! how am I supposed to love others when I grew up in that. Where's the love in being a punching bag huh?

I am so insanely glad he's leaving...mabe he won't come back. The asshole has been riding my ass since he was old enough to freaking talk. He is lie a third parent that has no sense of caring, or responsibilty. And really, I know its probably the worst thing that any humn in the history of the world has said, but really...I wouldn't mind if his plane went down...we'll leave it at that...

Anyway, i gotta go do something...I'll most likely just sit and wollow in self pitty....

Happiness is an unlight candle

Ever had one of those days where you knew that everything was going wrong? I did. That was yesterday. And in all reality everything went wrong. Me and dani broke up, I didn't get my work done, I forgot the stuff I was supposed to give dani I broke my retainer and its gonna cost me 180 bucks to replace, money that I don't have. Ugh, entirely frustrating.  On a happy note I've decided that I have no real future as a composer so i am gonna give in and go back into education, which should make my parents happy. But, then again it seems most things that make me miserable to some degree increase my parents happiness. Anyway I'll cut this blog short because of the insanely high amounts of crap I take for bithing on my blog. Btw, if you don't want to know, don't read.

well, happiness is an unlite candle

So yeah I spent the entire day today sitting on my ass watching random forms of entertainment, when I decided that I still have at leaves 6 more years worth of education to do. I mean I remember all the time between grade 6 and twelve, and honestly thats a lot of stuff. And when I look back on it now I realize just how useless 99% of that stuff was. I mean, I don't care about the politics of the world, or about canadian history. I forgotten everything I knew from most of the stuff I studied and in the end I think why? I mean sure the thought of diversified learning is great, you get a little from column a and a little form column b. But what about those of us that knew what we wanted to do since the first time we tried it? I mean I could honestly have spent all that time that I was "learning" calculus to become a better writer or musician, or theorist, or get the ability to march without hurting myself. Anyway, now that I am in the university I think the same thing. I mean I know I am not the worlds greatest sax player. and I have no intention of ever being one. But I can play through anything that a high school would play through, and I can stumble through any piece that I've ever had in front of me. So whats with the two years of learning under one Jeremy Brown. Not that it isn't an honour to be taught by him don't get me wrong. I just don't see the point of it all. I mean I love composing, and I love playing in large ensembles. I hate concertos with a passion and I hate solo pieces, not enough depth to them...or it could just be me. So yeah other then that I wish to perform the happy steve dance as they fired the numb-nuts grad student with a degree off the back of mexican cheerio's that failed horribly in her attempt to teach us elementary theory. I am glad she is gone. Now if you Janos would come down with something that isn't fatal..but would put him out of action for a couple weeks...mmmm that would be good.

Anyway in conclusion, I love my dani, and copland is a land of contrasts.

thank you and good night

P.S. www.paradiselosttheopera.com.
mmmm whitacre opera

so seriously, just when I thought that life couldn't get any weirder I get blind sided by a bunch of random crap. Stupid me and my suriousit, I should never be told anything ever. I mean even if I ask, in the end tell me I don't want to know and like block me or wander away or lock me in a crawl space or something. I mean I don't even want to know which ones of you out there are no longer virgins. I have made the choice to remain one. Marriage (or at least the promise there of) before sex. I mean honestly, there is a difference between the loving act between man and wife, and fucking because you need something to do on a saturday night.

enough of that depressing talk, today I have figured two things out. 1: that all art teachers smoke a copious amount of crack in order to get thier so called "ideas", no a chinese flee market isn't an art studio no matter how much you argue for it. 2: That vortex shouldn't be kept a secret.

So on a note from the latter half I am going to forge ahead and tell the world of vortex. The idea came for me after seeing blast approximatelya year ago, since then through my varied musical exposure I have come to a starting point. which is the Following

Vortex is a combination of all of the performing arts, from instrumental music, through opera, musical theater, live electronic music, choral performancem, everything from ballet to hip-hop dance, andincluding the works of out door pagentry(marching band).

The central plot to the show of vortex is the freedom of nature against the curshing impunity of industry. This conflict is represented on many levels, from musical genres to dance elements, as well as drill differences and costum changing.

Vortex begins with a pisture-esque interpretation of the out doors and unspoiled nature. A theme began in a string quartet is echoed through out the many elements of nature, reflected in themes that encompass not only the individual elements of nature but also the way in which the exist together in a natural harmony, and together create a rich and beautiful mulit-textured pastoral theme, powerful but calm all at the same time.

This beautiful melody is not to be for all time as interupting this great harmony is the imbalance nature of industry. The all consuming power of industry spirals the powers of nature towards its end. In the vortex all of natures themes are crush burned remaid in the industrial image. Strings quartets are replaced by electris strings and the once pure tonal center of nature is scattered. All of natures forces attempt to stand against the machine but are indivdually torn apart onl to be left with fleeting calls and reminders of the past.

But, the tale does not end there, out of the scatterings of the harmony of nature comes the rhythm of the machine. Incorporating the unnatural voices of  electronic media while still flirting with the reminances of nature's harmony, twisting it perversly in a rough atonal harmony.

But the machine itself is also falable. As it flirts more and more with the ideas of harmony, and eventually it begins to adapt many of nature's harmony back into itself. Although altered the harmonies and melodie of nature being to return inside the machine.

The finale of vortex is the final merging of nature and industry. As the themes of nature are heard more clearly inside of the machine it seems as if industry takes a step back, trying to return to the power it once held on its own, nature however makes a surge of its own, the two meldoies crash wildly in a climatic battle for supremisy when suddenly the vortex beings, having the two piecies travel through each other to become a single constant theme, stronger more beautiful and more powerful then either individual piece the arrive at a final balance.

Oh, it appears that earlier on i forgot to mention, that much in the way of blast I intend on making the insturmentalists the main feature of this program.

Well thats about all I have to say about vortex. Co-creators andron and jamie feel free to yell if I forgot anything.

So, honestly I was having a very good day today, i woke up, most of the ski bums were out of my house, I had some high expectations for the day at band and everything was good. I packed my stuff and headed for band.